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Wednesday 7 September 2011

Teacher only Day


It was Teacher Only Day on Monday.
I was partialy delighted, as I normally have a full teaching load on that day, so I could relax, sort of, and just concentrate on doing some preparation for next years curriculum.

But, for non-teachers, I wonder if you really know what goes on....

Zac sat on his chair behind the big blue curtain.

He wondered what the Principal was intending.

It was only yestrerday that he had been called into his office, expecting the worst after his last outburst of anti-social behaviour (he just called it having fun; setting fire to toilet paper surreptitiously tied to a girl's hair was fun) and found the Principal smiling at him.


"Zac", he had said.
"I want to check a few things"
"Am I right in thinking that you live with Mrs. S, as a special homestay?"
"Yes"
"And you have lost all contact with your family?"
"Yes, I haven't seen them for years"
"You poor boy." "I want you to come into school tomorrow"," for a special event."

So he had come.

He sat there behind the big blue curtain, listening to what was going on, sucking the lolly the principal had given him.  It tasted funny, sort of nice but sort of metalic.  He felt very drowsy and struggled to keep awake.


He knew all the teachers in the valley had arrived in the auditorium, he could hear them filing in.

Then he heard the Principal speak, in an oddly deep voice.

"BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE FAITH, ARE ALL GATHERED?"  "SEAL THE DOORS"

He heard a more distant voice saying "The doors are sealed and tiled Master Bear"

Master Bear? Who the f*ck is Master Bear?

Zac felt/heard a sort of ringing in his ears. It was becoming really hard to concentrate and focus.  What did the Principal want?  He had mentioned that Zac would be used in a new method of education, and that if he was good, he would be let off the suspension due to him for the girl's hair incident.
He sucked again on the strange lolly.

The Principal spoke again.  His voice was even deeper and sort of booming.

"WE HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN INCREASING THE EDUCATIONAL ATTAINMENTS OF OUR PUPILS"

"WE HAVE BEEN CONGRATULATED BY THE MINISTRY AND ERO"

"THE FOOLS THINK IT WAS DUE TO OUR UNREMITTING HARD WORK AND DEDICATION TO OUR TASKS"

"WE KNOW BETTER"

"ONLY BY HUMAN SACRIFICE IS THE GREAT GOD PEDAGOGUE APPEASED"

"BRING FORTH THIS YEAR'S SACRIFICE"

Zac felt the strong hands of the PE master and his assistant grab him by the arms and lead/carry him through the curtains onto the stage.

He saw the serried ranks of all the teachers in the auditorium.  They were all wearing the silly robes they used at prize giving.

He saw the Principal standing beside some sort of platform.  What had they called it in Classics?  Oh yeah.
An Altar.




He felt proud he had remembered something from school.

His vision was getting a bit blurry.  What was wrong with him?  He hadn't even touched any weed since yesterday, but this didn't feel the same.  He felt completely detached.  Nothing really mattered now.

He saw the Principal for the last time.

Why was he wearing a Bear's head?
Why was he carrying a large butcher's knife?

The last thing he heard was the Principal booming

"SO IS THE GOD PEDAGOGUE REWARDED"

"FOR THE GREATER GOOD AND FOR THE NCEA"

The long knife glittered in the light of the data projector.................

10 comments:

  1. Probably a lightly seared steak would go well with that red.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah....school. Best days of your aaaargh!!

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  3. Hurrah! A fate I would dispense sparingly as a special gift, like to that shooting fucker.

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  4. Have you ever watched the film Battle Royale? That was one hell of a way of dealing with troublemakers.

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  5. Dear Twisted, Do you really think the Great God Pedagogue would be appeased by the sacrifice of such a poor specimen? I would be preparing myself for less than spectacular educational outcomes next accounting period if I were you. Lindaxxx

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  6. The Wine Guy: I prefer mine well done, not dripping with gore. I'm squeamish that way.

    Alistair: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Makes them memorable though.

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  7. Terry: It's as real as you are mate.

    looby: Oh yes, if I got my hands on that person, I wouldn't even use the special lollies.

    Shackleford Hurtmore: No, I haven't seen it. Is it good?

    Linda in Chile: Seeing the standard of most pedagogy produced by academia is totally crap, ANY sacrifice would work.. If we kept the level of symbology equal, a half-dead mouse would probably suffice.

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  8. re the hair incident,I take it the victim wasn't sporting industrial quantities of Elnett?*flashback to similar lighter/school toilet queue incident* (accident of course).

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    Replies
    1. Not this time, but I've seen it before. She went up like a 500kg Incendiary device.

      Thermite is cool.

      Delete

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